Delicious Malicious Manila

On a last minute invite, I decided to take a weekend trip to Manila, a 3 hr plane ride from Singapore. Tickets weren't bad either--200 bucks, and to top it off, I was promised a free hotel room, since my friend's business was picking up the tab. I thought that was a bargain, and I needed some relaxing anyway, so off I went. Relaxing??...Kind of a funny thought now...

From the start, things didn't go quite well. I was 3 minutes late to check-in. Dont show up EXACTLY 45 min before your flight and it gets canceled. I think of myself as a pretty good negotiator, but there was absolutely NO cracking the check-in lady. Conjoling got me nowhere (like those bags under your eyes....), reminding her of the unscientific clock having an error greater than +/- 5 minutes only confused her, and my pathetic pleading just made her roll her eyes. I was just hearing the same crap back..No refunds, No exchanges, No later flights, NO NO NO!

So I had a choice, 1) Go home angry and post to Facebook, then wait for all the pity responses to make me feel better, or 2) cough up another 194 dollars and continue on, just 3 hr later. I decided the latter was better than option 3) Start smashing windows at the frustration of Cebu Airlines.

My first impressions of Manila was a bit scary. I flew into Manila, and on the ride into the city, there were many many Billboards encouraging you to "Put your guns away, settle arguments the natural way" (then imagine a picture with a gun barrel tied in a knot). The plethora of armed (holstered pistols) and heavily armed (single barreled shotgun with loops of red buckshot) security guards were everywhere--even in the pharmacies and grocery stores. It looked like some American gun policies seemed to have been left behind here.

After my cab was bomb inspected by the K9 crew and many mirrors, I was allowed into the the nicest hotel I have ever stayed at--The Hotel Peninsula. I was among the rich and famous and I didnt even know it--My friend Augustin sure does pick nice places. While I was waiting for a Taxi a day later, I casually met a gentleman named 'Eduardo'. Seemed like a nice enough guy. One of the filipino friends later said he was 'Eduardo “Edu” Barrios Manzano', the one-time game show host, now running for Vice President of the Philippines.

The first impressions didn't stop there though--Within 1 hr of arrival, there was a party of expats at one of the local watering holes. I would put the Girl:Guy ratio at about 4:1. If prior experience hadn't let me know better, I would have thought I was the ultimate chick magnet--everywhere I turned I saw smiles, winks, and air blown kisses. Not a bad way to start the evening, and a relief that the working girl profession was not hit too badly by the Typhoon Parma. Unfortunately, we had to leave early--the next day we had to get up bright and early to travel to the land of the lost--Tagaytay Taal Volcano.

Despite our attempt to travel the 3 hrs in the wee hours of the morning, we didn't get there until around 2:00 pm, despite the early wakeup at 7:30 am. If it weren't for a couple of local travel buddies, we would have NEVER made it. If you plan on an extended vacation in the Philippine countryside GET A LOCAL. Our travel plan, went like this: Taxi--> Bus--> Tricycle (Major Argument and more failed negotiations), and then finally Jeep/bus vehicle aptly named a Jeepney. The tricycle catastrophe was the most ludicrous.

We got into the town of Tagaytay and negotiated a price to go to a specific resort on the tricycle (kinda like a tuk-tuk). Cost: 100 pesos (2 USD). Instead Mr Ive-never-heard-of-a-shady-practice-called-STEERING decides to drop us off at HIS buddie's resort and refuses to take us where we want to--unless we pay him another 150 pesos. Our filipino local friends argue it out for 30 min in Tagalog, but the tricycle driver wouldn't budge--cause he new we were stranded--or at least he thought so--we got lucky and a jeepney drove by and we hopped on that.

So eventually we got there-Tagaytay Taal Volcano. Its surrounded by a lake, and in the crater of the Volcano is another lake--naturally heated and steamed by all the steam jets we seen coming out of the rocks. It last erupted in 1964, so I feel safe. It was very picturous and beautiful--and quite clean--the locals do a very nice job trying to keep it in its natural state--since it is a huge source of income.

The hike up the volcano is quite short--about 45 min. The locals try to sell you everything you need and more--hats, dust masks, coconuts, and even a horse to take you to the top. The horses were looking pretty mangy--there worked hard, switched often, and given little to eat by there appearance, but I seen lots of bouncing Koreans and Japanese riding them up the hill. Good thing average Americans weren't on them--poor horses would have been crushed, but at least not eaten.

While in Tagaytay we also sampled some local dishes and I was quite impressed--the food was amazing and left you hungry for more--well some dishes anyway. The fried pork skin and fried chicken skin was hard to get into. But the green beans with coconut cream and fried pigface meat was fantastic (REALLY)! I was yearning for more rice to soak up all the greasy sauce.

After another tricycle-->jeepney-->Wave-down-bus-->taxi ride combination, we were back in Manila by 10pm and ready to hit the nightlife. First place to visit was a local karoake club that our philipino friend had once worked at. The Girl:Guy ratio was even greater here--about 10:1--but after they heard my singing there weren't too many smiles, winks, and air blown kisses going around--lots of giggles though. My frenchy friend let me know that my future singing career might not be taking off too soon. But the Madame of the karoake club took pity on me and set all four of us up with many cheap beers and lots of fried pork skin--it goes down a lot better with San Mig beer.

After the karoake warm-up, on to the vice district of Malate. The club we went had a fantastic band and I was bouncing around the dance floor in true white-guy-funny fashion. The Girl:Guy ratio was not so good here--1:2--too many late arrivers I guess. But I did my best to give them an example of some soulful Caucasian dancing. But the night passed by quick, and unfortunately, I could not make a serious go of the Manila night life--I set a little curfew of 3am since I had to get up at 8 am to catch the plane in Clark Airforce Base, the old US airforce base, at 1 pm. I was wondering how much it has changed since my grandfather went through here in WW2.

I got up so early so I could take the 2 hr bus ride up there--that and I was just a little paranoid I would miss my plane again. At the bus station, the next bus to leave was at 10 am--much too late to get to the airport on time with a degree of certainty, so I went on my last and final adventure there--The Taxi Ride.

I should have known better--you know shady guys when you see them, and that was my first gut reaction when they started to tout. This group of taxi drivers seen me with my little carry-on coming out of the bus station, and they pounced. I was in a fix, because I knew I had to leave quickly, cause the traffic in Manila was already becoming a standstill and I could be locked in the city for an hour just trying to get out. I negotiated as much as I could and got the initial 4000 peso price down to 2200 (42 USD)--which is about a week salary for a cabby there, but a missed plane would have costed me another 200 USD or more, so I had no time to bargain around.

Know this--weak minded, easily harassed people would probably lose every dollar in about 10 minutes in Manila. You gotta tell these shady people to take a hike once in awhile. Once I got in the cab, I was told I have to pay the man I was bargaining with a 200 peso fee for 'admin' costs. I laughed at him and told him negotiations were done (or so I thought), take the deal (2200 pesos) or leave it. They bitched for awhile, and then I started getting out of the cab and both the driver and 'admin' guy shut-up. If that wasn't enough the pack of begging street children caught the scent of harassed white-guy and quick descended onto the cab. Jesis krist get me out of here!

Finally we did get out of there, and everything was going relatively smooth. I realized the car I was in was THE biggest piece of shit I have ever been in, and thats saying something. No seatbelts, no shocks, lots grinding when the brakes were applied, and hey guess what! NO TAXI LICENSE or meter! Just painted outside to look like a taxi! I was getting very nervous and the only thing going in my favor was at least we were heading north--the direction of the Clark airport. I was so tired and all I wanted was to fall asleep, but I thought thats a bad idea with this driver aka Mr Swindler.

But Mr Swindler wasn't done with the surprises yet. The latest negotiation was that I was supposed to pay the toll costs of 200 pesos there and 200 pesos back. I was starting to lose it and yelled something like there is no &$$@ing way I am giving you a peso over 2200 and if you dont like it I'm getting out of the cab right now--and I actually thought I was going to have to--so I opened up the door in the middle of the freeway toll road, got half-way out, looked back at him and said, Well? Thereafter he went into a Tagalog tirade and I not understanding a word--he didnt speak a lot english to begin with. But eventually he started digging for money and away we rolled. The last tickle he gave me was when we suddenly and randomly pulled over on the side of the road. A little silent voice inside my head was asking nonchalantly--So, is this when the gun comes out? But no, Mr Swindler just had to take a pee in the rice field, after which he got back into the cab and proceeded to miss the airport turn-here signs--his rather obvious squinting at the signs makes me think he is half-blind or just couldn't read the english.

But the good news is I did make to the plane with 30 minutes to spare. I was quite relieved over this. Manila was rough cit, a little dirty, with little regard for rules and pesky laws-very relaxed all around--just the exact opposite of Singapore--all I can say is, I can't wait to go back!